Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize