I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize