I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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