doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
