Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
