i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
