apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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