i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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