Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize