you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
