I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
