I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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