she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
