im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize