What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
