Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
