3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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