I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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