Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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