that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
