Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
