Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
