Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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