why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
