How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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