chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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