I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
