you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
