My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize