You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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