It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
