it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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