Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
