you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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