i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
