it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I've blown a few things in my day
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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