To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
