I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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