It was confusing and full of hummus
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
