we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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