How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
