I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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