Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I miss vodka workout Fridays
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize