On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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