I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
