the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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