i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
