I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
