Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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