Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize