so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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