Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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