i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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