That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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