I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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