3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
