Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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