the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Text me some of your sweat
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
