he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
