I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
