it wasn't lemon gatorade
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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