I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
