Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
