Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
