never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
