Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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