So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
