i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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