I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
