she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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