Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize