I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
