...so i touched it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
