we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
