listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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