She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
