maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
