I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
