So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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