I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
