I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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