I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
