just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
