marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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