Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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