I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize