I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
