Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
