I seem to have left my pride at pride
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
