We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
