it was like eating out sand paper
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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