i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
