when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
