I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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