benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
