if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
