you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
