people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
