Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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