I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
