her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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