man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize