he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
