No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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