I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize