Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
zippers are such a cool invention
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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