I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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