Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
