I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize