she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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