I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
love makes seman taste better
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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