Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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