im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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