Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
