so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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