I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
