ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
